As We Fall
by Aya Salim
Summary: Both shot and left for dead, how did Sarp and Umut survive? And what did it take for The Yilmaz's to be reunited again? A missing scene in İçerde's finale in two parts. #kardeşim
1. Chapter 1

Because my friend, Rana, totally bribed me to do it.

Despite how much I wish, they are not mine. But all the mistakes unfortunately are.

* * *

 **\- PART 1 -**

A gasp.

 _"Abi,"_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Open your eyes. No more hiding, no more hesitation. They can't take your Umut away again. You're not gonna live your life blaming yourself, I won't let you. Come on."_

A deep breath.

 _"Abi,"_

 _"Say it, Kardesim,"_

 _"The faster wins."_

A roll. A shove.

 _Bang._

 _Bang._

 _Bang._

 _Bang._

 _Bang._

Silence.

Sliding against the wall behind him, momentarily stunned, Sarp stared uncomprehendingly at the scene in front of him. Darkness crawling over the edges of his vision, and silence engulfed him as time seemed to come to a sudden halt.

Five bangs. Five _shots_. Before the warehouses was draped in utter silence. He couldn't even hear himself breathing. He felt something warm trickling over his chest, but his mind wasn't able to process what was happening. In a dream-like state, his eyes moved upwards, taking in the scene in front of him.

In his peripheral vision, he saw Fulya on the ground, her posture against the opposite wall mirroring his, except her eyes stared vacantly at nothing. Dead.

Celal stood over them, gun pointed outwards, seemingly unharmed. He was the only one standing, he was _always_ the only one standing, while the darkness inside him tainted the air around him, poisoning it, and everyone and everything else crumbled to the floor in his presence.

Then the room seemed to inhale and the frozen scene started to unfold in front of him, way too fast, and Sarp snapped out of his trance with a jolt.

His mind was still playing catch up as his eye swept down and found Umut, his little brother—the brother he had just found a couple of days ago—lying limply on the floor right in front of him, his body still, too still.

The sight stole his breath away, his heart felt like being squeezed in a vice grip and he couldn't even move to touch his brother. To check if he was still even alive. He hadn't had the chance to actually _look_ earlier, when Celal's gun was pointed at Umut's head, he couldn't afford keeping Celal out of his sight of the fear of him pulling the trigger the second Sarp averted his eyes.

 _"H-how does it look?"_

Umut had asked, and he had managed to glance quickly at his brother then, trembling and bleeding on the floor, and his instinct was to assure the scared child in Umut, the child who wouldn't dare look at his own wound himself and instead turning to his _Abi_ for assurance despite the situation and the circumstances.

 _"You're okay. Everything's gonna be okay."_

Everything was _not_ OK. _Nothing_ was even in the vicinity of being OK.

And Sarp could no longer pay attention to his surroundings anymore; there was only him and his bleeding little brother and nothing mattered anymore.

He moved forward, a surprised gasp forcing its way out of his chest at the pain that shot through his sternum as he moved his body forward. Avoiding the pain in the sake of reaching any part of his brother, Sarp wrapped his arms around Umut's shoulders, one hand unconsciously gripping the gun still, and pulled Umut's narrow frame towards him with a grunt of pain.

Leaning back against the wall, Umut's back to his chest, Sarp reached his free hand to his brother's neck, checking for a sign of life. He wasn't even aware of the tears that were streaming down his face, he wasn't aware of the sound of anguish that was coming out of him, all he knew was that his hands were shaking so hard and he couldn't detect a pulse where his fingers pressed against clammy and cold skin.

His hand fell to his lap as his chest shook with the scream bubbling up inside him. Umut's head lolled on his left shoulder where he has been shot, but the physical pain was nothing compared to the tear that was slicing its way across his heart.

"UMUUUUUUUUT!"

His scream seemed to run on forever, a scream of denial, of anger, of guilt, of a lifetime lost with his brother, of the years he was yet destined to lose. A scream for the child who never got to know his family, for the child who had to struggle his way through life alone, who spent all his waking memories looking for his mother, his brother, only to lose them all over again. Forever this time.

No! This was not happening. Sarp refused to let the story end that way. They have fought for this for twenty years; they have earned it for God's sake. Celal wasn't to win the war. Celal wasn't going to take his brother away from him ever again.

 _"They can't take your Umut away from you again."_

"No, they can't! They won't!" He replied out loud, dropping the gun to the floor and bracing Umut's head with his left hand, the other coming down to press over the wound on his brother's stomach. In the back of his head, he remembered that Umut has been shot in the arm too, despite his attempt at brushing it away earlier.

 _"How's your wound? Is it bad?"_ He had asked, wanting nothing but to turn around and take a good look at his brother and inspect his arm.

 _"It's okay, don't worry. Just a scratch."_ Umut had said, frame shaking against Sarp's back.

"Umut, open your eyes, Kardesim. Don't let him win, man. You can't die, not now!" Sarp shook his brother's head, patting his cheeks, hand coming back to Umut's head and fingers threading into the sweaty hair he found there. "Come on, Umut! Open your eyes, please, don't let go, you don't let go, Umut!"

But Umut stayed stubbornly still in his arms, and Sarp would have taken anything instead of the terrifying stillness. He would have exchanged it for the tremors that wracked his brother's body when his shaking frame weakly knocked into his legs after his roll minutes ago, and what felt like hours ago. Days!

"Umuuut!" His scream ripped through the quiet, and later Sarp would realize, empty warehouse. His hand shook and slipped onto his brother's blood, and he forced himself not to look at the wound, instead locking eyes with Umut's stubbornly closed ones, willing them to open, and pressed harder against the blood that was seeping from between his fingers.

"Please, God, _please!_ " He lifted his eyes upwards, praying, begging, pleading and a harsh gasp made his head snap back to look at his brother.

Umut's eyes were wide-open, staring at the ceiling, as he gasped for a breath after another.

"Umut!" Sarp's fingers tightened around the messy strands of blond hair, and Umut's eyes moved towards him. "Kardesim! Hey, hey, you're okay, look at me. You're alight, everything is gonna be okay. Just hold on for me okay? Okay, little brother?"

Umut stared blankly at him for a few seconds like he was speaking in a different language and then Sarp saw when everything came back rushing to his little brother. Anguish crept to his glazing eyes, tears slipping free from their corners before _Mert Karadag_ took control and the hysterical, maniac laughter followed.

"Umut?" Sarp hated that laugh, which he knew wasn't a part of Umut as much as it was a part of Mert Karadag; the swaggering, overconfident, sleazy bastard who planted himself right in the middle of his family. But that was before, before the curtain was lifted and he could see _Mert_ in a different light. He was a survivor, strong but lonely, good but misguided. A scared child shielded by a broken man with too many walls and lines of defense to cross.

He was the man who refused to stay down, no matter how hard he fell.

He was the man who literally laughed at the face of death.

And Sarp wished Umut would never laugh this laugh again.

"So, now-now I'm d-dying?" Umut stuttered, gasping between the mixed together letters and hysterical laughter, which only morphed into a sob a second later.

And Sarp realized that his little brother's façade was crumbling, Mert retreating and surrendering to the little brother in Umut.

"No! You're not. You fight this. Keep breathing, help is on the way! They're almost here, Kardesim, you hear me?" Some part of Sarp's brain was trying to calculate the time, trying to figure out when the police were coming. He had called them before he rushed to save Umut once he knew where he was, they wanted him to wait for them but that was never going to happen, not when he knew that he already might be too late. How long have they been there? How long have they been lying on the floor, holding into each other? Umut's breath hitched again and Sarp forced his hand to press harder onto the wound.

"Ahh, _Abi!"_ Umut cried out, his face instinctively turning into the croak of his older brother's neck, like when he would get sick when they were kids, seeking the comfort and safety the solid frame always offered, unconditionally, without asking for something in return. And Umut knew, he knew that he was the luckiest person on earth, even if he died, he would at least be dying in his brother's arm and not alone, the brother who held nothing but utter devotion for him through all these years. Who accepted him the second he found him despite everything that _Mert_ had done to hurt purposely hurt him.

"Shh, Umut, you're okay. I'm here, I'm with you. I'm not gonna leave you, okay, Kardesim? I'm not gonna leave you!"

"S-Sarp!" His brother gasped, and Sarp felt a weak hand tugging at the one he was holding tight against the still-bleeding hole into his brother. "Stop! Stop, it hurts."

It was barely a whisper but he heard it like bells ringing inside his head, and he heard himself sobbing in return at the pain he had never heard in his brother's voice before, wished he would have never had to. "I'm sorry, I have to, brother. I have to. But you're gonna be okay, I'm here. Just hang on for me a little longer, okay, brother? We still have so much to do together, you still have a long life waiting for you, and you still have a lifetime of happiness to live with your family, Umut!"

Sarp choked into tears, looking at his brother who was smiling and crying at the same time. "The past- the past c-couple of days," Umut chocked and gasped for breath. "w-were the best days o-of my life, _Abi_."

Umut's hand clutched weakly at Sarp's t-shirt, then he started to cough harshly and Sarp realized with horror that he was chocking on his own blood. Panic gripped at his heart and he fumbled to move and roll his little brother to his side, Umut's hands still clenching around the material of his t-shirt, as the thick crimson coated Umut's lips and chin, dripping to the floor beneath them to join the mess of their mixed blood.

" _Abi_ ," Umut said on an exhale after what seemed like hours of retching blood and then his eyes slipped shut again.

And to Sarp, everything that followed was a blur.

He felt himself screaming before suddenly light flooded the dark warehouse, too much light. There were voices surrounding him, talking to him, talking at him. Men and women in different uniforms swarming around him in slow motion, he saw their lips moving, he heard the mumbled words, but he couldn't decipher any of them. Then there were hands, tugging at him, trying to prey Umut free of his arms. He resisted desperately, holding onto his brother for dear life, like a drowning man. Part of him recognized the voices; words like _help him_ and _you have to_ penetrated the thick haze wrapping his mind. He blinked and felt himself falling forward, hands were on him instantly, but his hand refused to let go of Umut's.

He felt weightless all of a sudden and when he blinked again he found himself staring at the ceiling of what he barely recognized as an ambulance. He let his head roll to the left, finding his brother and ignoring the questions and assurance that were being fired at him.

They have fitted his brother with an Oxygen mask, wires seemed to be attached to every visible part of his body, and Sarp watched them as they cut away the shirt that he had helped Umut pick only today to ask the woman he loved to spend the rest of her life with him. To start a new _life_.

 _If only you knew you were actually picking his funeral outfit_. A voice in his head that sounded very much like Celal's taunted him. And a fresh flash of hot, white pain seared into his whole body from head to toe as he screamed for his brother for one last time


	2. Chapter 2

**Rana** , I hope you find this worse the ice cream you had to buy me *wink*

 **Alex** , if you read this, thanks for helping me out *hugs*

Turkish translation:

 **\- Abi :** Big brother.

 **\- Kardisem :** Brother.

 **\- Devram :** colleague

* * *

 **\- PART 2 -  
**

Fusun, Eylem and Barish rushed into the hospital, following Sema into a corridor after another until they reached the OR's waiting room.

After the initial shock wore off when Eylem had come back to the house crying and screaming that Celal had Umut, and after several failing attempts at reaching Sarp, Barish accompanied the two devastated women to the police station where they found Chief Haluk and his team preparing to leave the station but not before assuring Fusun that they had found her son and were going to get him back.

An hour of worry and fear later, Sema rushed back into the police station and tried to cushion the bad news of _both_ Sarp and Umut being shot, but no matter how hard she tried it was just not possible.

The two women tried to keep it together as much they could as they were taken to the hospital but once they were standing in the waiting room, wondering what was happening to their only family behind those closed doors they broke into tears as truth firmly settled in.

Hours passed and there was still no news on either of her sons and Fusun was going stir crazy, tears streaming down her pallid face, begging whoever crossed their path for news about her sons, Eylem not faring much better. Eventually, both of them were drained of any ounce of power they had left and did the only thing they could, which was collapsing into the uncomfortable chairs of the waiting room.

After what felt like days to the trio, and what was actually just four hours, a man in his scrubs walked through the doors and directly towards them.

"Mrs. Fusun?" The doctor asked as he reached the occupied chairs, obviously already informed and aware of the situation, and both Barish and Eylem had to support Sarp and Umut's mother as she swayed after standing up too fast.

"Yes! Doctor, please. How are my sons?" Fusun asked, her body shaking and swaying in the hold Eylem still kept on her. And when the doctor asked her to sit down first she feared the worst.

"I don't want to sit down, please, doctor. Tell me how my sons are doing! Please, tell me they're okay, tell me you were in time. Tell me you saved them, please!" Fusun cried and Eylem tightened her grip around her shoulders. "Please, doctor. Just tell us how they are!" The young woman asserted.

"Okay. Calm down." The doctor began. "I'm Doctor Ali, Sarp's physician. I don't have any news on your other son's condition, however, I can check for you with Umut's doctor when I go back in."

"How's Sarp? How's my son?" Fusun pushed, wanting whatever kind of news she could get at this point, her heart being ripped inside her chest with worry. She had just got her son back, they had just become a family again, and she couldn't lose both of them now. She wouldn't survive it.

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Mrs. Fusun. With the intensity of the injuries he was brought here with, his condition was really in a bad place. You have to know that your son is a real fighter, he refused to let go as much as we were trying to save him." The doctor sighed, giving the family a companionate yet professional look before he went on. "Sarp was shot three times. His left shoulder and leg were the easy part and we were able to extract the bullets without any permanent damage. As for the third bullet in his chest, he was very lucky his ribs took the hit of the bullet instead of his heart. It was touch and go for a while but we were able to stabilize him and bandage his broken ribs before any of them managed to puncture his lung. We'll keep monitoring him and should the next twenty-four hours pass without any events, with two to four weeks of rehab he'll fully recover."

Fusun felt numb, she couldn't even utter a word as the doctor's explanations kept hitting her without giving her a chance to draw a full breath.

"Can I see him?" She sobbed and sagged into Eylem's arms, feeling the body of the closet person she had to a daughter trembling against her.

The doctor nodded sympathetically. "Of course, Mrs. Fusun. Once he's been settled I'll have a nurse come and show you to his room and inform you of Umut's condition."

Barish thanked the doctor when the two women stood numbly in the middle of waiting room, clutching at each other for support while tears kept digging grooves into their flushed cheeks.

 **….**

The next hour found them sitting in yet another set of uncomfortable chairs but in a different room. Sarp was laid on bed with his hand in Fusun's careful ones, an Oxygen mask covering half his face, tubes and wires hanging from his chest and arms, pumping medications and blood into her son's body while others extracted infection and unwanted liquids out.

"Oh, son, why does this keep happening to us? Why can't you ever catch a break, Sarp?"

There was still no news on Umut, the nurse who had escorted them to Sarp's room had told them that he was still in surgery and wouldn't elaborate on more no matter how much Eylem had pushed.

It was another stressful hour when Sarp's doctor walked into the room with a chart in his hand.

"Doctor, is there any news on Umut?" Fusun stood, her eyes pleading, and hands still safely engulfing Sarp's.

"Yes." The doctor replied somberly and moved towards the other chart hanging on the end rail of Sarp's bed. "He's stable so far." He said after going through the pages, nodding towards Sarp.

"Thank God!" Fusun sighed, her heart still beating in terror for her other son, the little boy she hadn't even had the chance to take care of yet, or enjoy having around without fear of losing each other looming over their head every second.

"How's Umut?" Eylem beat her to the question, and the doctor's eye moved from Fusun's to Eylem's and back.

"Sit down." He said again, this time with a bit of authority, as he sat down on the uncomfortable couch. Exchanging a look that carried so much pain and fear, the women sat back on their chairs on each side of Sarp's bed while Barish occupied the free space on the couch next to the doctor.

"Umut's doctor was paged on rather critical patient so he transferred your son's case to me to follow up." Doctor Ali said by a way of explanation and looked into Fusun's eyes as he continued. "Your son was shot twice; in his right arm and abdomen. The one in his arm, like Sarp's, wasn't a major worry, fixed and should heal just fine. The other bullet was a different story though. It tore into his stomach and caused a massive muscles and tissue damage, external and internal bleeding, which we were able to fix and stop just in time. Luckily there wasn't any other organs damage; however, he had lost a lot of blood before he was brought in and during the surgery, a severe shock and infection sat in due to the amount of blood loss and the place of the wound, which we'll be treating with more blood transfusion and a wide range of antibiotics to avoid any allegoric reaction."

The doctor took a breath, giving the family a chance to breathe before delivering the bad news.

"I'm going to be honest with you here; it was a miracle Umut was even alive when he was brought here. There were two cardiac events, before and during the surgery, and we were able to revive him but it still put too much stress on his already strained system. The next 48 to 72 hours will be crucial. We're doing everything we can for him, but you need to prepare yourselves. We're keeping him sedated for the time being and we'll monitor him for any sign of brain activity until he shows signs of waking up. If he wakes up."

….

Umut was crying and shaking.

No matter how close Sarp tried to hold him, he couldn't ward off the jerking muscles in his little brother's body at this moment. He tightened his arms around him, drew his leaner body as close to him as possible, wanting to hide Umut within his ribcage and protect him from the world. From all the hurt that has been inflicted on him until this moment. From all the hurt Sarp himself had caused on purpose and unknowingly in the same time.

 _"There's no more crying. No more crying. We've found each other, man! And he'll pay for everything he's done."_

He tried comforting him, looking Umut straight in the eyes and lending the shaking figure between his arms so much needed confidence and compassion. And Umut just took it to heart, believing him, believing _in him_ —the man who had two guns pointed at his chest a few minutes and another lifetime ago where they were _Mert vs. Sarp_ , before they were once again reunited and instantly became one; _The Yilmaz Brothers_.

Umut shook again, breaking into sobs and joining Sarp's choked ones. Time stopped, the outer universe ceased to exist. The twenty years that have been leading to this moment were over; the moment was here and now. And there was nowhere else except the spot on the ground where he and his little brother held onto each other for dear life, warm and alive and _there_.

Sarp wasn't even aware that he was rocking their bodies back and forth. He was so consumed in the moment to hear it, but he felt it against his chest; the vibration of Umut's whimper of longing and pain, of relief and surrendering, of guilt and regret, of utter and complete exhaustion—before Umut's fingers around the material of his jacket loosened and his body sagged in Sarp's arm.

"Umut?" Sarp realized with a wildly-beating heart—which he knew wouldn't slow down any time soon—that Umut had just passed out in his arms and he couldn't not cry for his brother and hugged the unconscious form of Umut's body tighter to his chest before he laid him flat on the ground.

Umut lied on the ground as if he was sleeping; only Sarp wouldn't know how he looked when he was asleep. All he knew now was that Umut looked like Hell and that he needed to wake his brother up. He refused to think about Umut's physical and emotional wellbeing, he was there when Melek had died in their arms and if he had already thought that something in _Mert Karadag_ was unhinged in a way before, he was then shown proof of complete insanity when the former cop slid to the ground and fell into what could only be described as crazed, hysterical laughter.

He didn't know how deep Melek and his brother's relationship ran—and he made a mental note to ask Umut about everything later—but from the level of the devastation that _Mert_ had shown after, it was obvious that the loss of Melek broke something forever inside his brother. He didn't know what had happened before he met with _Mert_ and Celal before Melek's funeral, but if the dead and borderline insane look of a man who lost everything he saw in _Mert's_ eyes back then were any indication, he knew that Chief Yusuf had probably fired him.

Trying to push the memories away to no avail, Sarp's memories wandered to these moments. _Mert_ was completely thrown off the edge, willing to torture and kill in the sake of revenge, defying a mad man and practically provoking Kudret to shoot him in the head. Sarp didn't even remember seeing him taking a sip of water during all the time that followed from the moment of Melek's death till they were one throttle apart from killing each other back on another nameless rooftop. He had ended up in a hospital but he didn't remember even seeing _Mert_ around and he was infuriated by his ex-colleague's strength as much as he admired it.

Now this strong man was crumbled to nothing on the ground beside him, and Sarp didn't know what to do with that fact.

"Umut, wake up. We gotta get you out of here, Kardisem, can you hear me?" He hovered above Umut's head and tapped his flushed cheeks a couple of time. When his brother's eyes didn't even flutter, Sarp gripped his shoulders and gave him a gentle shake, aware of the tremors that still wracked Umut's body even in his unconscious state.

And then Umut opened his eyes and looked at him with defeat, blood covering his lips and chin.

"I'm sorry, Abi. I can't do it anymore."

 **….**

"UMUUUT!" Sarp shot upright in bed and a yell of pain followed the scream for his brother. There were hands on him, familiar hands, trying to steady him and keep him in a flat position on what he finally realized was a bed. Looking around, he only saw white; white walls, white lights, white curtains and white bed sheets. When his eyes fell onto the arms trying to push him backward on his back, he found that they belonged to his mother. His gaze traveled upward till it fell on his mother's worn face. She was speaking to him and Sarp had to work hard to concentrate on what she was saying.

"Calm down, son. You're gonna hurt yourself, you need to stay still, Sarp." The words finally started to make sense and he found himself settling down at the calming tone of his mother's.

"Umut?" He leaned back on the bed, looking around the room and found Barish standing by the door. A nurse came in, checking him and trying to ask him questions but he couldn't divide his attention when he was barely concentrating at all, the remnants of the memories-mixed dream flashing behind his eyelids.

"Son, let the nurse do her job and I'll explain everything, okay, baby?" His mother told him kindly, her warm palm caressing his cheek and Sarp didn't have the strength to fight her, his heart beating too hard and too fast in his chest it was making him dizzy.

After the nurse was done with her exam and adjusting his medication, Sarp turned to his mother, who, once he was able to take a clearer look at, looked like she hasn't slept in a month.

"Where's Umut? How long have I been out?" He asked, fearing the worst. He could feel the pain of being shot in his arm, leg, and chest; he remembered the feeling from the time when he had to unknowingly take a bullet for his own brother, and the dull ache of what he recognized as stitches and broken ribs.

"Son," His mother said on a devastated exhale, making his worry increase tenfold.

"Mom? Umut's okay, isn't he? He's alive, isn't he?"

"Umut's alive," She said with a sad smile and Sarp exhaled harshly before the next part took his breath away all over again. "But he hasn't woken up yet."

…

Later, when Sarp was able to partially think straight again without being half out of his head with physical pain and terror, he was finally able to wrap his mind around the fact that _Umut was alive, but he hasn't woken up yet_. He was informed that it's been two days since they were brought in, he listened with half an ear to the description of his condition and the details of his recovery plan, but took in every ounce of information he could gather about his brother's situation. Right now he was sitting in a wheelchair beside Umut's bed and finding himself in the same position he was in two days ago all over again, except this time his brother's mouth was clean of blood and full of a large tube that breathed for him instead while another tube was connected to his nose, feeding fluids into his weak body. He was holing Umut's forearm, the only visible part of his body that wasn't wired to sets of medication, blood or machines and talked to his brother about nothing and everything.

They had told him that even though Umut was asleep—he refused to use the term "in a coma"—he still could hear him. So he sat there, against doctor's orders and despite his mother's concern, and talked to him until he felt hollowed out and had to be taken back to his room before keeling over on his brother's bed.

Throughout the following days the Yilmaz's has sat a routine of sorts; Fusun and Eylem switched the mornings to set with Sarp who was receiving his physical therapy while the other kept watch on Umut, and Barish going back and forth between the two groups to see to their needs. Nights were Sarp's, he took the chair next to his _stable but not improved yet_ brother and narrated all their childhood back to him. On other harder nights when Umut's condition would worsen he would find himsef apologizing for all the things he had said and done to him as _Mert_ and praying to God to _please, please, give me back my brother I just got him back,_ and ending with him collapsed in his chair after crying himself to sleep.

The police department was more or less moved into the hospital, two other cops—Musa and Selim—were hospitalized as well but awake and on the road of recovery, much-like Sarp, and he felt sick for it. He was the one recovering day after day, surrounded by his family and police individuals who kept praising him for what he had done while Umut, who has been suffering all his life, was fighting for his life every moment to wake up—only he would face a jail sentence when he did—after going through hell to help him take down Celal and his mob.

 _If he wakes up._

 **….**

 _Rain._

It was the first thing that registered to Mert—no, _Umut_. His name was Umut; Umut Yilmaz. Sarp's brother. Fusun's son. Eylem's neighbor. His name wasn't _Mert Karadag_ —that was the name Celal had chosen for him, _that_ was the person Celal was raising him to be. Celal; the son of a bitch.

His body felt way too heavy, like it weighed a ton, but he was slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. The coldness of the hard, unforgiving surface he lied on was seeping into his back, making him shiver involuntarily and in response hands held both his shoulders gently, protectively.

Sarp's hands.

He would have never thought that such a tough set of hands which could split his face open and keep his body bruised for days could be that gentle—could be that gentle _with him_. He used to fiercely envy the missing boy called _Umut_ ever since the day he confronted Sarp in the woods after he had shot himself for him. Sarp loved this Umut guy in a way that had always made _Mert's_ heartache and chest tighten every time he looked at the new serious man who was able to win not only Celal Papa's trust, but Melek's as well. Every time he laid eyes on Sarp, it made him wonder if he had a family out there who were so desperate to find him like that, whom his name alone could unravel.

The last thing he remembered was the warehouse—Sarp's arms around him while he cried and cried. A big portion of his time recently has been spent on crying, but it was never like that. It sounded deep and guttural, almost like he was choking, and now that he has started, he couldn't stop. It was like the floodgates have been ripped opened and the current crashing through them was too powerful, too devastating, to be contained. He sobbed uncontrollably, the relief rushing from a place so deep within him that it was physically painful, causing his stomach to cramp and his chest to ache, but he couldn't stop himself. His lungs were heaving, and it was getting hard to breathe, and he was a little afraid he might be sick, but he couldn't stop himself. He was dimly aware that he was holding on tight to Sarp, clutching him as if for dear life even as he knew that he couldn't fall here, in the safety of his brother's arms. Then the emotions crushing him faded the world around him into black.

But now it was still raining, and the ever-cautious part of him that always needed to be aware of where he was and who was there forced his eyes open. Sarp's wide frame was blocking his vision, and Umut blinked when another tear slipped from between Sarp's eyelids and dropped directly onto his face.

"Umut, are you okay?" Sarp was saying, and it still felt so strange to hear himself being called that. It was still strange to hear the concern in Sarp's voice and know it was directed at him.

"'No more crying', those were _your_ words, right?" He told Sarp from his position on the floor, looking at him with a gleam of mischief in his eyes and holding back tears of his own. And Sarp, _his_ _ **brother**_ _,_ chuckled through tears, blessing Mert—Umut with a stupid wave of pride for getting the reaction he had wanted from Sarp.

"Come on, let's get you up." His brother—Umut knew he was never going to get tired of repeating that word to himself—stretched his hand towards him and when Umut clasped it he hefted him up with a grunt, keeping the other hand on his back for support. He swayed the second he was up but Sarp was instantly there to hold him, just like he was there when Umut all but fell into his arms a few minutes ago, hoping that Sarp would catch him, hoping that he could finally let go of the weight he carried for twenty years on his shoulders and be able to give in and succumb to gravity, for once, without having to think about how he would get up again.

There had been a moment when reality seemed to crack and slip away from beneath him when he had remembered. He had felt paralyzed by the truth and when he had turned his face to look at Sarp who had looked back at him from behind devastated eyes, he had wished, for a second, he had never known.

He hadn't known how to react, whether to allow relief to wash over him or to wish that Sarp had pulled the trigger before they even had the chance to know. He had felt like he was stricken and his legs could no longer bear his weight no matter how strong in the face of the reality he tried to be, knees betraying him and forcing him to the hard floor. He hadn't been able to recognize the sounds that had been coming out of him; he hadn't been able to decipher how he had felt. Numb, broken, sick, betrayed, loved, victimized, guilty, relief, grief. But most of all terrified.

He had been terrified.

What if Sarp had been disappointed that _he_ was Umut? What if all these years of pain hadn't been worth it in the end? What if, after everything he has done, Sarp had rejected and disowned him on the spot?

But then Sarp had called for Umut— _for_ _him_.

And all he had had to say in return was _Abi._

And it was frightening as much as it was exhilarating, how he could completely switch from _Mert Karadage_ who had always had to watch his own back, who hadn't dared to stay down, to _Umut Yilmaz_ —the little brother, who so blindly trusted his brother to protect him and keep him from falling.

"What happened?" He asked even though he knew exactly what had happened.

Celal had happened. And his life has been cursed from that moment forward.

Until his brother found him.

"You passed out. Are you sure you're feeling okay?" His _Abi_ answered and as much as _Mert_ wanted to laugh it off, hide behind fake bravado and wrap his reply in a smartass comeback, he didn't. He didn't know where they would go from here, what the plan was, what they were going to do with Celal, when and how he was going to face his mother, _oh his mother._ But for once he was willing to give up control to someone else who wasn't Celal or himself. Someone who wouldn't use it against him.

He was drained and so tired—God, he was finally _allowed_ to be tired.

"Just tired," He told Sarp, finally looking up at him and seeing so much love and concern written on his face and he almost broke down into tears again. "I'm fine, _Abi._ Let's just get out of here." Sarp was still keeping a protective arm around his back and Umut couldn't help but reach out once more and plant his palms on his brother's cheeks, wanting to carve his face to memory under a new label— _Abi_ —instead of the enemy Celal had twisted him to be. A fresh tear slipped from the corner of his eye against his will when Sarp rested his forehead against his, answering the question echoing inside his chest.

 _Is it real?_

 _It is real. I've finally found you, Kardesim._

They laughed through yet another wave of tears and Umut closed his eyes, curling his shoulders in and making himself smaller to hide his face into his brother's wide shoulder. He was dimly aware of Sarp saying something to Coshkon, but he didn't want to listen, and instead concentrated on the feeling of Sarp's fingers in his hair and arm around his back and let himself be escorted outside the warehouse.

As the late afternoon sunlight hit his face he opened his eyes and breathed in. Looking up towards the sky, aware of Sarp's eyes on him, he allowed _Umut_ to firmly set in—Mert Karadag had walked into that warehouse, alone and lost, ready to die if only he had the chance to know his family before he kissed the dirt. And now Umut Yilmaz was walking out under the protectiveness glow of his own flesh and blood, whole and ready to see and live life in a different color.

His life as Umut was just beginning.

 **…..**

He was choking.

Umut's eyes flew open in terror when he felt air leaving his lungs and not filling it back in. There was something with a nasty taste shoved down his throat and as he struggled to breathe around it he only managed to choke on his own saliva.

Nurses and doctors surrounded the bed he lied on; fueling his feeling of being trapped which only helped increasing his panic and pain in tow.

They were trying to talk to him, to get him to calm down, but he couldn't lay still, he had to get up, he had to fight.

Something was missing.

"Umut!" His movement stilled, ears straining to pick up on the voice he knew by heart again. "I'm here, Umut. Let the doctors do their thin. I'm here, okay? I'm not gonna leave you."

Umut wanted to nod but found that he couldn't, so he settled for blinking once and trying to breathe around the tube stuck in his throat. A movement in the corner of his eyes caught his attention when he reopened them. A nurse was taking a couple steps back at the end of his bed and making room for someone else to step in. And there was he, Sarp, his brother. And as disheveled as his brother looked, his presence flooded him with relief and his muscles were able to partially relax against the mattress.

Sarp stepped forward and wrapped the hand that wasn't in the sling around his covered foot and squeezed it. _I'm here._

Umut made sure he kept his eyes locked with Sarp's as he slowly gained control over himself and, no matter how painfully it was, allowed the doctors to do their thing.

 **….**

A dozen of tests later, Umut assumed that the doctors finally considered his condition stable enough to stop prodding and poking at him and leave him be. As they eased him off the ventilator and the fog of sleep wore off, the pain in his stomach was approaching the level of unbearable and he tried to turn on his side to ease the pain but found that he couldn't, his muscles too heavy to allow him to curl in on himself like he wanted too. They promised him they would give him something for the pain soon before the last nurse turned to the door, leaving him with his brother alone.

Finally.

"How do you feel?"

"Are you okay?"

Both of them said in the same time and smiled at each other.

"You go first, _Devram_." Umut smirked, though he knew it looked more like a wince.

Sarp, still standing by the end of the bed, just looked at him for a long moment—teary and exhausted eyes looking at him like Sarp was trying to commit his face's details to memory, before he moved forward and limped towards the chair next to his bed.

"Idiot," He said affectionately, shaking his head as he gingerly sat down, favoring the arm on the sling.

Umut turned his head to be able to look at his brother's face without straining his neck and the fear-mixed-with-relief expression he saw in his brother's eyes made his chest tighten a little.

"Is everyone okay? Mom, Eylem?" He asked and despite the shooting pain in his stomach he tried to raise himself on the bed and the pain stole his breath instantly. Sarp stood up hurriedly to keep him still on the bed and sat down carefully beside Umut on the edge of the bed, keeping his warm palm flat on his chest. And if anything, the gesture managed to increase his worry.

"Dammit, Umut! Take it easy, will you?" He could feel Sarp's hand shaking on his chest. "Everyone is okay except you. You just woke up, man. You can't keep doing this, what would I've done if…" He trailed off on a barely choked sob.

"Sarp?" Umut moved his left hand to rest over Sarp's above his chest. Something was wrong. Something was severely wrong.

"I'm sorry," Sarp laughed through tears that were now streaming freely down his face. "It's just been a couple of hard days. I can't lose you again, Kardesim. I can't."

Umut smiled, his eyes welling up in response. "You're not. I'm here, Abi. I'm right here with me. I told you, they can't take your Umut away from you ever again."

Before Sarp had the chance to say anything someone was knocking on the room's door and a second later the door opened and a nurse appeared with a syringe of the pain reliever she had promised earlier.

"So mom and Eylem are okay?" He pushed after the nurse left the room. The last time he saw Eylem he had left her alone with a tracking point of a sniper rifle aimed right at her neck. And he hadn't had the chance to know if Celal had kept his promise and left her alone after Umut had complied and gone with him.

"They are okay. I called them and they're on their way." Sarp nodded, his hand coming off Umut's chest momentarily to wipe at his face and settling back again.

Umut let out a sigh of relief and blinked heavily. He was starting to feel the pain slowly receding to just an echo of the roaring pain that has been coursing through his body since he had woken up.

"So, what happened? How are we still alive?" It wasn't like he wasn't thankful or anything, but he just needed to know. He couldn't remember anything past coughing up blood right onto Sarp's chest.

"I'll tell you everything later, okay? Just rest for now." And Umut was shaking his head before Sarp could even finish talking. Darkness was tugging at him again and dread was irrationally washing over him. A faint memory or a dream, he couldn't tell, of himself slipping away haunted him out of nowhere. And he didn't want to go under again.

He didn't want to be alone again.

He hadn't noticed Sarp's hand moving from his chest to rest on his cheek, nor the fact that he was crying silently and leaning against the comfort his brother was easily offering him.

"Hey, shh, you're okay. Everything's gonna be okay, Umut."

"I just don't want to be alone," Morphine making him groggy, he didn't even realize he had voiced his fear out loud until Sarp thumbed his tears away and spoke softly.

"You're never alone, Kardisem. Not anymore."

Darkness won before he even had the chance to nod and carrying his brother's promise into sleep.

 **…..**

When Umut woke up again, he found his mother, Eylem, and Barish had joined Sarp in his room while he was asleep. The relief on their faces could have been comical if they haven't looked as tired as he felt. They shared tearful and relieved hugs, his _family_ being extra careful around him like he would break if they touched him the wrong way. It was starting to unnerve him, except he was still too tired to address it. The third time he woke up he was more aware, less in pain and was able to hold conversations for longer than five minutes without drifting into sleep or feeling too gutted to even breathe. They finally informed him that he had been in a coma for nearly two weeks—twelve days to be exact—of the doctors asking them to prepare themselves and how his condition had spiraled out of control before it got better enough for him to finally wake up.

He didn't know how to react to that, nor the news of Celal taking his own life—for real this time—at his own cell in jail. All he knew was that he was alive and finally allowed to be with his family without the constant, overwhelming fear that everything was going to fall apart any second as long as Celal existed in the same world as him.

And even though he knew he had to be locked up for at least a year, he was thankful for the second chance that life had given him. He would gladly endure whatever time it took in jail as long as it meant, eventually, that the day he got to live and be with his family without contently looking behind his back would arrive. He had told Sarp that, and he had meant it.

His deepest regret was Melek. He wished too hard for her to still be alive, to know that he had found his family and be with him—for Melek to become a _part_ of his family and not just his _only_ family. But he could only hope and pray that she had found peace and was in a better place with her own family.

As the days went by and with his condition getting better, he was finally able to give his official statement to the police department, Sarp never leaving his side. It was awkward and a bit on the side of humiliating that it was Sema who took his statement while Chief Haluk just sat there, listening. But he knew he couldn't complain, at the end of the day he was a part of Chief Yusuf's death. And he knew that no matter what he did, he couldn't erase the look of sheer disappointment he saw in Yusuf's eyes seconds before the light permanently left them.

They could lock him up forever, and he still wouldn't forgive himself that.

What caught him off guard was the fact that Sema stayed after he was done giving his statement, finally looking him in the eyes and wished him to get better soon, stating that no matter what had happened, at the end of the day the fact remained that _he_ was the one who ended Celal along with Sarp.

It was another week until he was stable and good enough to leave the hospital. Chief Haluk had generously extended his deadline till after Sarp's honoring ceremony, giving him enough time to recover among his family.

And much like the brothers had expected, neither their mother nor Eylem had taken the news of the newly found son and fiancé going to jail easily, but they understood that he had to. That he needed to do that in order to try and cleanse himself of all the bad he had done. In order to be able to finally _live_.

With no more hiding. And no more running.

 _ **-The End-**_


End file.
